Hahaha don't read this it's super boring

A. Well, I dumped A. He was super nice, super chill... and had no goals or motivation other than to politely ignore my many 'serious talks' about how my schedule does not permit him to be all up on me all the time.

To wit: HOW TO BE A TENNANERS

1. Wake up at 4am. Curse the world.

2. Be at gym NLT 0420 to lift heavy things (more on that in a minute.)

3. Be done lifting heavy things by 0545 so as to shower and not gross out my coworkers.

4. Be on road to work NLT 0615 because Beale AFB is smack-dab in the middle of Nowheresville, man, and unless you want to live in the strata around a military base (and you do not, it's like when you leave a greasy plate in the sink water and the muck sort of comes loose to form a protective, nasty ring around the dish) you are looking at a sweet 20-30 minute commute. Curse the traffic.

5. Work your balls off until 1530. Resist urge to laugh when people complain about 0600 showtimes being "sooooo earrrlllyy."

6. Return home at 1620ish (oh, traffic.)

7. Eat everything in sight... oh haha whoops, no waifu to make the food, so this should actually read MAKE ALL THE FOOD... then eat it. Curse your pile of laundry that isn't getting done until Sunday and you both know it.

8. 1800 sees you staring at the mountain of art you owe people. Curse hands for inability to draw straight lines.

9. 1900 oh lol, time now to pack up clothes for the next day, take out your grimy wet towel, use it to let your shower toiletries air-dry, get new towel, set out gym clothes, make breakfast to be eaten at work furtively at your desk the following day.

10. 2000 answer texts and emails. 

11. 2100 ignore continuing calls, texts and emails that all begin with "I know it's past your bedtime but..."

12. Curse self for not passing out- lay in bed until 2200 when sleep finally overtakes you.

Weekend routine: laundry, food shopping, cleaning, dishes, and all the other little stuff that piles up over the week. Stay up too late and mess up your sleep schedule, but have the satisfaction of knowing you *can* stay up because no one can tell you not to, you grown up.

So if I don't take an extra bathroom break or whatever, that leaves me a good chunk of Saturday to actually be social. I explained this to A, made charts and maps that should have finally made it clear... and he would nod, rephrase what I said to show he heard me and agreed... and then promptly invite himself over every chance he could, to sit on my couch and do nothing.

Now, do not get me wrong- there were nice times, and some of those were just kicking back and watching Netflix / video gaming and not doing much. But over the weeks, there appeared a rift- one of us would get up, decide what was for dinner, make it, clean the dishes, etc. And the other would sit on the couch. Laundry would appear in my hamper, laundry that was not made for 133 lb girls. It would get washed and folded with the rest. And the other would sit on the couch. ETC.

I could get into a million little nitpicky things about him (he had begun to put on weight since he discovered alcohol and every carb ever, and so he employed his 'before-basic' diet plan of loading his plate up with the food I made- food I bought, prepared, planned out to have leftovers of, etc.- eating half of it, and throwing the rest away... deliberately) but what's the point? I'm certain he could counter with a list of things *I* was WRONG-O about

starts with a "b" and ends with "cuntweasel calm your tits once in a while" 

and the back and forth would be cathartic, but utterly pointless. Suffice it to say, the weirdest bit was his stops at my parents' house over the holiday- his parents' home being north of mine, he stopped by on the way up, then decided to stay the night. He did so again on the way down, only this time, he sprang the surprise that he actually had a couple more days of vacay left, and was planning to just graft himself to me and my family for the duration.

Which, a month into dating? Uncool, man. My parents have only met one other dude I've dated, and you know? It's weird. I told him that we had plans to go see my gramps the day following his arrival, so he would have to leave.

Then he tells me he loves me. 

I tell him thank you, but he still has to leave. 

The next day sees my parents and I, awkwardly piled into my car in the driveway, and A sitting in his car, doing the same... waiting us out to make sure we're actually leaving. We ended up pulling out and driving off after a few minutes of stalemate, while he still squatted placidly in our driveway. Effin' weird homeskillets.

The nodding and rephrasing, bee tee dubs, was not just for 'serious WTF are you doing kid talks'; turned out the kid was so nice, he had no opinions about ANYTHING. Politics, religion, plans for the future, diet, exercise, clothes and style, what movies suck (Notebook, for example) and which ones rule (um duh Expendables and Die Hard,) all went the same way:

Me: "I think Thing A is awesome, because it is blue and not green."

Him: *nodding slowly* "It isn't green, it's blue. That is a thing that makes Thing A awesome."

If I wanted to date myself, I would have spent a lot more time waxing, is what I'm saying. When I dumped him, I mentioned this, and suggested he needed to find some of his *own* hobbies and interests and ways to feel about them. His response was "I should find interests and hobbies of my own... I don't really know who I am, but I think maybe that's something we can work on together."

I told him I wasn't interested in telling him who to be, he agreed, dumping finished, but not before he updated his FB with a picture of him in 1950s swag and posted a status about how "I'm going to stay primal on my deployment." 

So that's over, and so is not smoking because I am a weak-willed humanoid and you may all commence to mock my pitiful resolve. Well, the remainder of the resolve I don't use up to do IF (Intermittent fasting / carb cycling is my new thang, and holy smokes, it actually works) and 5/3/1, both of which are google-able terms if any of you feel froggy enough to learn about them. Or just comment and I'll try to poop out an acceptable answer.

OFF TO EAT ALL THE THINGS / LAUNDRY HO